A letter to the Detroit Pistons

Dear Detroit Pistons,

When you elected to trade Chauncey Billups for Allen Iverson early in the season, most of us knew that you were sacrificing the 2009 season. We assumed that the six straight Eastern Conference Championship streak would not be extended.

We also had optimism about new head coach Michael Curry. The players had stopped listening to Flip Saunders. They gave him the same treatment they gave Larry Brown and Rick Carlisle. So we said, "Hey, Curry is a former player. He led the player's union at one point. He was a top assistant. Let's give him a shot!"

So, on behalf of fans of "DEEEEEEEETROIT BASKETBALL," I want to thank you. Why settle for a sub par, mediocre season? A complete meltdown is obviously the only thing necessary. Who wants a No. 4 or 5 seed and a second-round elimination when you can miss the playoffs and possibly earn a lottery pick?

Rasheed Wallace normally falls apart in June. This year, he decided to crack in February. Now Allen Iverson is hurt. Rip Hamilton is pissed that he's on the bench. Curry could not seem more clueless running a professional basketball team. And, I might add, you now have the 90s-Michael Bolton lookalike himself, Walter Herrmann, taking a last second three.

Instead of "DEEEEEETROIT BASKETBALL," Mason should proclaim "NOT PLAYING DEEEEEEEEFENSE" when introducing the team. Or, for that matter, not playing offense either.

Since I can't bear to watch this until April, can we just completely blow this thing up? I'd love if you would bring back Terry Mills and Oliver Miller. Let's have a retro March, return to teal jerseys and celebrate the Pistons of the past. If you're going to completely fail as a team, let's have fun with it.

Sincerely,
Mike